It has occurred to me lately, and by lately I mean in the past twelve minutes while I have been awake and unable to sleep, wondering, will I pass my Statistics and Philosophy finals and if not, what do I do, and questioning, what shoes do I wear with an ivory dress and can I shorten the straps between Wednesday afternoon and Thursday morning, and generally sitting around far more nervous than I'm sure any of my graduating friends are, because they have plans and I have none, other than to be graduated (and did I mention those finals?) and I am asking:

What do I get my parents, for graduation? Of course, they aren't graduating. But aren't they?

What do I get them that says thank you, that says you made me who I am, that says, I love you? What do I do to adequately convey how fucking blessed I am, to let them know I do appreciate everything they've done? That it means the world to me? That I haven't forgotten anything, not a second, that they've done everything for me? How do I say thank you for letting me go to Germany and thank you for letting me come back and thank you for paying for SEVEN years of college, and understanding when I changed my major four times and my school twice and dropped my entire second semester, thank you for understanding when I stopped school to work and when I wanted to go back, thank you for supporting me when I did things you hated, thank you for paying for twice as much school as you might have had to, thank you for helping me with tests and paying for me to retake classes when I fucked up, thank you for knowing when to give me advice and when to allow me to make my own mistakes, thank you for not berating me for those mistakes, thank you for saving me, thank you for loving me, thank you thank you thank you ...

What could I ever possibly, possibly do to ever convey any of that?



January 2012

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