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I'm going to preface this by saying that it is my personal opinion and is not about anyone on my flist.
That being said:
Cheating. I. Don't. Get. It.
Someone explain it to me. When is it okay to cheat? What makes anyone think this is acceptable? Or, on the flip side, what makes a person say this is wrong but I'm doing it anyway.
Now, I am not presuming there are hard and fast rules. I am not presuming all situations are the same. I am not speaking of mutually agreed upon open relationships. Nor am I even really speaking of one-time flings, because people fuck up. I am talking about repeated cheating. When you cheat, and then you go back for more. And I am talking about enablers.
Now, I do not classify those who help as equally as guilty as those who are cheating, because in the end it is your responsibilty as the one in the relationship to make that choice to cheat or not. However, knowingly helping someone cheat is shitty.
What makes people cheat? I haven't been there, so I can't say. But I have always felt that, unless there was a reason I couldn't get out, unless I felt threatened, I would rather leave than cheat. Because it is absolutely and positively unfair to cheat on someone in order to see if things work with someone else or because you're horny or drunk or anything. The idea that they didn't want to fuck up a relationship over a one-night stand they really wanted is ridiculous. No one said relationships are easy. No one said you won't be attracted to someone else and be tempted. I am not talking about temptation. I am talking about making that leap, and breaking your commitment. Being drunk is not an excuse. I have been drunk off my ass. I have never not had the capacity to decide whether or not to sleep with someone or to not know if it was okay or not. If you are actually so drunk that it takes away your ability to decide, then you have a PROBLEM and need to call AA. Cheating is just crappy. It's a lame excuse and an easy way out. I don't care how often you want to say it's really difficult and it makes you feel bad and you wish things could be different blah blah blah. You have a fucking choice and you make that choice, and if you want to run around on someone, that's your choice but karma is a bitch and you will get exactly what is coming to you.
And helping someone to cheat ... is shitty. It's really fucking shitty. He's unhappy in a relationship, he's going to leave his wife ... those are lousy excuses. And that's exactly what they are. They're excuses to make yourself feel better about doing something crappy. I'm not talking about not knowing someone was involved. I am talking about the fact that some asshole came to you wanting to cheat, and you willingly helped him make someone else into a fool. A cheater will cheat. He'll go somewhere else and do it without you. (Oh, you didn't realize that? Sorry. You aren't special. You're means to an end.) But that doesn't mean YOU need to help. Helping someone to cheat is being an enabler, and that's just crappy, regardless of what lies he feeds you. Because, guess what: he's not going to leave her. You aren't different. You're the piece of ass on the side, nothing more and nothing less. And even if you are, by some off chance, more than that ... what in the world makes you think you'll be any different? Because once upon a time, she was more too. Your time will be up, and you'll just be part of the cycle. I cannot even believe the number of people who get all upset when their relationship sucks when they're the other woman! Do those words have no meaning? Other, as in secondary, as in afterthought.
And yes, I've been an enabler. I was fifteen, and it's not something I would ever do now. Even then, it was a shitty thing to do and I feel shitty about it. And it's exactly as I said it was -- fucking nothing, and shitty.
But I guess it will always go on. In the meantime, I'm interested to hear your thoughts -- is cheating okay? Under certain circumstances? When? Why? Why not?
That being said:
Cheating. I. Don't. Get. It.
Someone explain it to me. When is it okay to cheat? What makes anyone think this is acceptable? Or, on the flip side, what makes a person say this is wrong but I'm doing it anyway.
Now, I am not presuming there are hard and fast rules. I am not presuming all situations are the same. I am not speaking of mutually agreed upon open relationships. Nor am I even really speaking of one-time flings, because people fuck up. I am talking about repeated cheating. When you cheat, and then you go back for more. And I am talking about enablers.
Now, I do not classify those who help as equally as guilty as those who are cheating, because in the end it is your responsibilty as the one in the relationship to make that choice to cheat or not. However, knowingly helping someone cheat is shitty.
What makes people cheat? I haven't been there, so I can't say. But I have always felt that, unless there was a reason I couldn't get out, unless I felt threatened, I would rather leave than cheat. Because it is absolutely and positively unfair to cheat on someone in order to see if things work with someone else or because you're horny or drunk or anything. The idea that they didn't want to fuck up a relationship over a one-night stand they really wanted is ridiculous. No one said relationships are easy. No one said you won't be attracted to someone else and be tempted. I am not talking about temptation. I am talking about making that leap, and breaking your commitment. Being drunk is not an excuse. I have been drunk off my ass. I have never not had the capacity to decide whether or not to sleep with someone or to not know if it was okay or not. If you are actually so drunk that it takes away your ability to decide, then you have a PROBLEM and need to call AA. Cheating is just crappy. It's a lame excuse and an easy way out. I don't care how often you want to say it's really difficult and it makes you feel bad and you wish things could be different blah blah blah. You have a fucking choice and you make that choice, and if you want to run around on someone, that's your choice but karma is a bitch and you will get exactly what is coming to you.
And helping someone to cheat ... is shitty. It's really fucking shitty. He's unhappy in a relationship, he's going to leave his wife ... those are lousy excuses. And that's exactly what they are. They're excuses to make yourself feel better about doing something crappy. I'm not talking about not knowing someone was involved. I am talking about the fact that some asshole came to you wanting to cheat, and you willingly helped him make someone else into a fool. A cheater will cheat. He'll go somewhere else and do it without you. (Oh, you didn't realize that? Sorry. You aren't special. You're means to an end.) But that doesn't mean YOU need to help. Helping someone to cheat is being an enabler, and that's just crappy, regardless of what lies he feeds you. Because, guess what: he's not going to leave her. You aren't different. You're the piece of ass on the side, nothing more and nothing less. And even if you are, by some off chance, more than that ... what in the world makes you think you'll be any different? Because once upon a time, she was more too. Your time will be up, and you'll just be part of the cycle. I cannot even believe the number of people who get all upset when their relationship sucks when they're the other woman! Do those words have no meaning? Other, as in secondary, as in afterthought.
And yes, I've been an enabler. I was fifteen, and it's not something I would ever do now. Even then, it was a shitty thing to do and I feel shitty about it. And it's exactly as I said it was -- fucking nothing, and shitty.
But I guess it will always go on. In the meantime, I'm interested to hear your thoughts -- is cheating okay? Under certain circumstances? When? Why? Why not?
